(760): so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
(604): he didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
(785): My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
(401): like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
(616): This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
(651): All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
(315): I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
(765): There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
(780): girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
(403): Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
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